I'm having a Spice Girls moment...

The whole Two Become One thing, only without, you know, fornication. The *concept* of lead's, follow's, and parnership's balance. It only occurred to me when I was watching the partner coaching someone in VW tonight. The lead was "stopping" his motion from achieving full centrifugal reciprocity. In other non-StarGate words, he wasn't givin' up what the follow needed. He needed to take his energy, bring it to the follow's, and then, that momentum added to hers would carry them the rest of the way. It couldn't be done with just half of his and some of hers. Had to become a fulcral unit of One somehow. I totally just coined "fulcral" from "fulcrum" as in basic parts of simple machines/leverology from third-grade science. Yes, I also have a D-20 and am slowly acquiring a taste for Avatar... which is why I'm *so* in the closet on that dark, naughty, nerdy side. Oy.

But anyway- got his side straightened out, then we worked on frame a lot, just smoothing out the things that made the dance work more fundamentally smoothly so that they could use it to get around the floor and have a little fun with it.

And speaking of the bloody awful word Technique... it reared it's ugleh head in, of all things, West Coast Swing.

People- particularly WCS-ers, like to tout swing as "fun, easy, relaxed, laid-back" and a most informal, nonchalant dance as a "selling point" of sorts. That's a good thing. All us ballroom geeks need a break from real studying, and swing IS a fun way to blow off steam, create, think, and elaborate. The thing is... every excellent swing dancer usually can dance ballroom pretty well, too, considering that's where they get a lot of their choreography and ideas... AND TECHNIQUE. (Booyah!)

By technique (revisited, ad nauseum), I mean "the fundamental aspects of a partnership which make the leads easy to lead and be followed, and the follows easy to be led". Sorry, that's not Moore or Scrivener, but that's my translation. Technique does NOT have to be (and in fact isn't) about showmanship, style, and flair... It's about communicating clearly and being able to send and receive messages or leads between lead and follow. That's why, again, it's better to dance basic things well than advanced things craptastically.

A lot of people think that WCS "technique" should be best executed "hands-on"- the lead stopping the follow with shoulder/back catches, and kind of "driving her around" the slot on the floor. That stems (this is my theory, and as I've said before- don't bother taking me seriously- this blog is a reservoir for my brain) from American-style smooth and rhythm dancing, where a lot of things were dualistically simplified and complicated by having to be in/out of the box, walking something out, etc. or... I should say... mis-interpreted American technique.

Dancing should be like dressage. The partnership should look as though there are no "roles", only "one", and that comes through communication, not manhandling your partner into this spot or that. Doesn't matter if it's west coast swing, tango, or hell- polka.

But, something else I keep needing to drive home not only to CHG and partner, and myself... Dancing should, above all, BE FUN. If it isn't, stop and re-evaluate and discuss what makes it unpleasant, then work to fix it. AND ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT.

So I finally found out why the temperature dropped on the Field Trip. CHG was looping my ass because I was feeding off him! Crikey! To people who totally didn't understand what was just said... He was down a little, then that made ME down a lot, and when he felt me and pal down, he was downER. Damn. The more that boy's inside my brain, the more not-so-freakishly-outcast-and-destitute I feel. He's going to be a wonderful dancer. For his level, and for the time and effort he's put into it as it is, he's pretty damned awesome, but I know that if I told him that, he probably wouldn't believe it. He needs to realize that he's a bit more awesome than he'd like to think he is, and that he's found a group of people who care about him and won't ditch on him.

So next week, we're going to work on tweaking the VW, that infernal fake impetus turn in QS, and I dunno what in swing. And I think all's re-righted with the world. My fluffy pet is acutely assuaged, I think I got hit on today, and I have new shoes coming. Beat *that* with a stick!

Dammit.

So my paranoid worries are, at least in my mind, confirmed.

CHG *is* uber-worried and panicking about the comp, and Nashvegas *was* a bad idea for a field-trip so prematurely.

The original idea behind the field-trip:

We've given our boy and girl team enough stuff to get around the floor and not get bored, and with the help of our own coaches (now theirs, too), they also have the frame, styling, and technique to make it look better than average.

All this being said, we thought it'd be FUN to take them down to DW, turn them loose on the floor with "kids their age", and show them just how good they've actually gotten, because DW beginners. An evening of talking, dancing, laughing, and... food, of course.

Well, that backfired. CHG got down there, those pretty big eyes of his went completely mad-cow, and all he could see was that "glamour" that a new place has on it. The dancers who actually had *worse* frame than he did- and SOME WERE PAID, PROFESSIONAL TEACHERS, the ones who were hunching over their partners and driving them backwards into other people, and some were just so drunk and dumb that they didn't know *what* they were doing.

I, of course, interpret this that he thinks that I/we are underqualified lackwits that have brought him up in dance ALL WRONG, and didn't give him enough of what he needed when and where, and that because of me/us, he feels let-down and mis-trained. To worsen it, he IS taking the right lessons with the right coach... who teaches so completely different from us- it's like we can say the same thing, only so differently, that ... well... who's going to look wrong, the kid or the pro? I get that, I understand it, and am ok with it, but it still stings bigtime.

And I can't help him. I don't *deserve* to say or do anything to cajole or comfort him. I just don't feel 'part of that circle' enough to try to push myself and what I would say over on him. I'm pushy and snotty and brazen enough, and I only realized how bad I was during the field trip. I only include him in 'my small group of people I talk to, touch, and think with because he's an intelligent, articulate, *brilliant* person who doesn't make me feel like an idiot on regular occasion- on purpose, at least, and not until lately at that.

My hands feel just as tied as when Something Bad Happened to my partner/bf a few years ago, and all I could do was just... stand helplessly by and watch him go nuts with worry and get sick with working to try and scramble and fix something that had completely snowballed. Finally, he got out of his, but it wasn't because of anything I said or did. In fact, I probably made it worse.

I wish we hadn't gone to Nashville. I thought it'd have turned out so very differently than how it actually did. It just shed a very ugly, unflattering, and realistic light on a lot of things that upset someone who didn't deserve the worry. His hobby is supposed to make him feel *better* about himself, not more worried. What if I contributed to the "worsening"?

A lesson that I know I'll have to learn if I keep on with this is not to take things like this personally and take it to heart, but when it's so close to a real, actual friend- closer than I've had in a long time, I just kind of crumble into a pile of stupid. I'm *not* ready for this, and I bit off a lot more than I could chew. All I've ever wanted to do is teach people, and I'm not even qualified to daydream. Think about that long enough, and it begins to really suck pretty awfully. How stupid can you *get*?

Field Trip Recap and Thought

You might think that ballroom dancing is a pastime for the extroverted, flirtatious, exhibitionistic, artsy sort of person who is so at ease in their own skin and so close to someone else's that they can "dance like no one is watching". That couldn't be farther from the truth.

In an odd way, I think dancing ATTRACTS shy introverts who are ill at ease in public situations, kind of like the "train wreck" theorem of "you just can't help but watch atrocity". There are a lot of things that unlikely-suited people covet from afar. Some of the more extreme scenarios would be space travel, archaeological discoveries, groundbreaking medical surgeries, and the like. You might say "Oh, I wish I could be (insert unrealistic daydream here)." Dancing isn't that different. How many people say "Oh, I wish I could dance..." and they think that this goal is so impossibly unattainable. "I'll *never* look like that. If I could ONLY look like that person. I just wish I could do this or this, and I'd be happy." The goals seem so far off. It doesn't matter if you're just dreaming of getting a left-turning box-step right, OR if you aspire to be an Ermis.

I saw my fluffy CHG tonight get grape-stomped by sheer overwhelmedness when we took our field trip to another place of floorship. Those big old doe eyes got saucer-sized, and although he very bravely put on game-face for us fillies and took us around the floor, you could tell the wheels were turning under that fabulous and ever-perfect head of hair he has. "Oh. My. God. EVERYBODY HERE is AMAZING. They're ALL doing this... and this... and that... and don't you SEE that?..." And then he got quiet. And then, it happened.

That wall of ice- you've felt it before- just went up in between songs. One moment we were all chatting and dancing and having a great time, and the next, you could tell it Hit Him. His feelings of inadequacy, underpreparedness, and that stupid competition carrot dangling over his head. He got quiet. Started to brood. It actually almost felt like a sulk, or even that maybe I'd said something flamingly offensive. If you've read this blog any at all, you'll know that it's my unfortunate and unintentional natural proclivity to be verbosely antagonistic and obnoxious. I'm sorry. If I try to change myself, it gets *worse*, as though it all has to come out before the door shuts on it, and it's trapped inside.

But I digress. Mah bebbeh was discouraged, flummoxed, and worried, and that was NOT by ANY MEANS the goal of our field trip! TN is our Cambodia- we go there to get away with all the deliciously wicked things we can't do back home... only it's not eight-year-old hookers. It's dancing awful foxtrot with pulling and foot turnout, and it's latin hustle instead of 3-count. It's an escape where we don't have a bar set for us to ALWAYS be ON and reach... we're anonymous, not-as-good-as-you nobodies who blend in with all the other passers-by. Babyboy took it as "Shit... THIS is what I'm UP against? I don't have a chance!"... and it hurts me personally because I hate to see good people like him not happy. I feel like I haven't done my job right if there's this kind of doubt and lack of confidence within one of my 'kids'- even if he's older than I am, and so much stronger a person. I probably take it too personally and care too much, but the whole posture was one of definite off-puttedness. The "Blackberry Winter" lasted all the way home.

Guys... dancing is SO NOT ABOUT being something you aren't. It's about bringing out everything that's good, fixing what's bad, and mixing it all together to create something so much different and better. It's not meant to intimidate, discourage, fluster, confuse, or insult you, not by any means. Dancing, in it's eldest form of prescribed usage for humankind, is something you do when you can't find words or any other means of expression. Now, people do it because it's fun, it makes them think, it keeps their bodies working, or because they like to watch OR be watched- and I've come a long way to realize that IT IS OK to be an exhibitionist when it comes to dancing. Without flambuoyant people who enjoy showmanship... we'd have NO art, NO entertainment. We'd have no culture, and nothing that identifies us from any other being.

Maybe I said something stupid- I worded it COMPLETELY wrong... I said "Don't dance for ANY woman. They aren't worth it. Dance for YOURSELF," basically. In other words... even though dancing is generally partnered... YOU have to get something out of it, regardless of what you give, otherwise, there's no reason to do it. That's NOT meant to sound selfish... but you can keep giving and giving and giving to a partnership, and if you're not getting ANYthing out of it, you're suffering. You're not fullfilling the basic needs of it.

I just don't know what to say, and I get the feeling that whatever I say... it's not enough. Besides that, everything I *would* say... would come off wrong- and I don't mean that in my typical fashion of negative-nancy-ism... I just mean that I'm not the person qualified to do so. I don't have that right, because I'm not his partner, I'm not even really his teacher anymore, and I'm just underqualified. I could say it as a friend, but that would make me a closer friend that I feel he'd like. I don't mean that in a row-mants sense, either. Just... too much under his skin and inside his head. He's a private person, and he has two distinct personalities. One is a very elaborate, convincing costume, and the other is his comfortable, patterned, regular, private self. I just really like the guy, because someone as simplisticly, selflessly kind and unabashedly loving as he is should *never* be discounted and brushed aside. He doesn't need to catch hell about his dancing. He needs to just enjoy it as dancing, and not even worry about making a deadline or being intimidated by others on the floor.

Everyone thinks that someone's watching them on the floor. Whether they are or not- it's a *party*- the goal is to have fun. Even if you provide someone with fodder to laugh at- hey, you've done as good a job as the host insofaras entertainment value goes.

That chill, though. I felt it hard and fast, and it didn't melt. Not through joking, not through the excuse that he was partied-out and tired... it didn't wash. Something's in that fella's head, and I just HOPE it's nothing to do with that STUPID STUPID STUPID competition. IF it is, it's all my fault. ALL of it. I'm the one who googled happenings for dancers in Illinois. I'm the one who came across the competition and thought "Hey- this'd be a good time to see how we rate on a larger scale than just Paducah"... I'm the one who was reading the printout in the studio. If I've caused someone stress and worry... moreso than usual... augh. That makes me a really awful, selfish, thoughtless person!

I just want him, our friends, everyone we know, to enjoy dancing. That's what it's FOR. It's about making friends and working hard to do something not a lot of people think they can do, and about not missing chances to let other people into our lives, regardless of how screwed-up each of is can be. And that's that for the Maury moment of the day. Now, the recap:

Some boob started a rumor about gas, which caused all of Nashville to go into gas shortage and the prices to raise astronomically. We were smart enough to fill up in Clarksville, so it didn't bother us other than the pinch of the price. So we got there after a positively erotic dining experience with GOOD chinese food at PF Changs.

Now- don't get me wrong. There's *nothing* wrong with this studio. It has a purpose which it fills and serves very well for it's demographic and it's goals. BUT- for the past two years at least, we've been frequenting this studio whenever we can... and nobody's really given a nod in our direction so as to acknowledge our existence. Not the fellowshippy, friendly way, I mean. We've sat by ourselves with occasional exception (we brought or met friends there), danced with only our partners in the group (It's partly my fault that I'm scared of the foxtrot mixers, even still), and have pretty much just kind of blended in, unnoticed.

Suddenly- and I've NO idea why- the herd just opened up, welcomed and included us, and now... they're very warm and friendly to us. What changed? Was it just us toughing out the waiting period, improving enough in our dancing to be noticed, or bringing a couple more people with us whenever we visit now? I feel like we were too dorky to be given much notice previously, on our own, we had to bring in CHG and our aspiring ShaleneToBe, or our own coaches, or whatever.

Well, there's no ulterior motive to it, and there's no reason for me to be bitchy about it. Finally, these nice people have realized that we're ok people, too, so now we have a larger network of people to buddy with whenever we're travelling, at comps or workshops, etc.

This has made me reflect on our own studio, though, too. We had to "wait it out" before they really "let us in" and included us. They're all very good people- a diva or two along the way, both male *and* female- but several people have said that they had to kind of hover and wait before cracking through the barriers. This must be a trend- a clique, or circle of safe people, and one has to kind of prove themselves before getting in.

I wish it wasn't this way, but if you're new, you might notice it too. At least I can honestly say that it's NOT anything personal. You don't smell, you aren't ugly or dumb, and you don't have to pass a test. I guess people just don't "get attached" with such a turnover rate as dance studios have. There are always people in our corner willing to say hi... thing is, I know I and at least two of the others are just as shy to make that terrifying first gesture of hello as you probably are.

This whole weekend, until CHG's polar introspection of silence, made me feel much better. I needed to be able to enjoy dancing without actually thinking about it. It's important to "just dance" once in awhile, whatever you're training toward, not only for your brain's sake, but also as a way of seeing just how much you CAN do without brainpower behind it. How much has become instinct or reflex?

I hope I haven't hurt or angered a friend, though. Maybe it was because I said - jokingly/kinda- "You won't listen to me when I say it, so I'm not wasting my breath" about something dance/philosophical? I can see where that was snipey, but it was in jest at the time. It's kind of true though... some people just can't unclutter their brain, stop what they're doing and "let you teach them". They ask a question, but they're not really ready for you to answer, because they have everything else going at that time... then they miss the answer, and have to go ask someone else.

I hope that boy's ok though. He does NOT deserve the crazy and drama that we Ill Divas bring to the floor.

*Snicker*... Ya THINK?!

What Spice Girl are you? Your Result: You Are Ginger Spice! Ginger Spice is a dramatic, know-it-all, horny b----!! You like men, I mean.. you REALLY like men! Although annoying at times, you can sometimes be very be wise and helpful. You are the definition of a Drama Queen, and not always a "team player".
You Are Scary Spice!
You Are Baby Spice!
You Are Posh Spice!
You Are Sporty Spice!

I seldom do those little quizzy things- or, well, I should say I seldom *publish* them, but this one.. I really couldn't resist. As much as I cringe at words like"annoying", or "not really a team player" (Hey! I roll with a posse five strong!)... if the shoe fits, dance in it...

Oy... So, we're not doing the Kuttawa thing, I don't think. I cite autistic differences. The whole "team player" thing... no, I don't think it's "all about me"... but it's hard to figure out which parts belong where. Ok... not like THAT...

I SO need a dance vacation, and we're taking a short one this weekend with the crew. Even if I have to wear the Marilyn Noire dress.

Fourteen FEET? That's two strides!!

So this contest we're seriously considering NOT doing has a dance floor on a temporary stage that's 14 x 14. I didn't realize how little we knew until we tried to fit something under two minutes into a square that size.

Gah. I hate thinking, and my sudden lack of chemistry with my partner.

HEAD! The most important word you'll ever learn.

It's ALL about head-weight.

When you're in dance position, if YOUR headweight goes over into your partner's "space", they're carrying eight pounds around for you, and vice versa.

If you look from side to side (mooning- but not that kind- think moon-eyed-calf), your head-weight goes from side-to-side, too. This motion is transferred through the connection to the other partner. It can either make you too heavy/too light, OR an ambiguously-communicating lead/follow.

So- Followers, it's always important, whether in smooth/standard or latin/rhythm to always try to be conscious that your skull is A- an extension of your spine, and B- capped off with about eight pounds of weight. Keep the lamp on the right post, don't let it lean, like the lazy power companies do on backroads in Southern IL. Your shoulders and arms go forward to create a flat line horizontally across the back- maybe an arc to a small degree- but your head shouldn't. Besides that, you look like a chicken.

Leaders- keep your head weight tilted toward your left- this is achieved by rotating your central vertical axis toward your partner in a concave parabola. If your weight comes over, you're bowling over your partner and confusing them.

I cite this because I've had WOES for a couple months in Bolero. We don't know a lot of figures/elements/patterns in it, but we love to dance it because it's glidey. I tried posture, leg flexion, EVERYTHING, until I remembered WWJD? For that matter, WWKD?

Head. I arc-ed my center so that my ribcage led my motion, and my head was being "carried along". Immediately, I became more balanced and flexible, and my lines got bigger. WOW. I so owe our coaches bigtime.

We went to a social today that we hadn't attended in a while, and had a pretty great time. We trotted out our new colt, and I'm so very very proud of our boy's floorcraft at smooth/standard! All the ladies *hearted* him because he's gorgeous and sweet and our very own CHG, and I'm so very glad we have him and his friends for pals now. We were quite lonely before, and I always worry a little that because of his sweet, giving nature, that he might feel somehow obligated to hang with us or babysit us out of pity, but we all do seem to have a good time when out and about.

He has a lot of internalized worries that I used to have, but couldn't tell anybody because I either didn't know how to communicate them, or people would flatout laugh at them and say "Oh, you're crazy, that's not how it is at all"... and it helps to know there are others out there who think similarly.

Our other girl couldn't make it- that whole "So I married a good ole boy" thing. Nice guy, just doesn't get this whole dance thing. Well, either he will and let her go, or he won't and he'll let her go... or she'll just cave and stay with him. I can't help, and I want to, and it makes me sad to see such a great person being hampered by such a ... yeah.

But today was a REALLY GREAT SUNDAY, and I'm SO happy things are going well. I hate that we had a tropical storm that cracked trees up and took out power everywhere, though. I hope things are going as well as I think they are with our friends, too. One's going through some educational terror with his coach, because his brain is turning to ballroom goo every time he takes a lesson. He's worried, frustrated, and doesn't want to let anyone down. I keep telling CHG to dance for himself, not for anybody else. I don't think he gets to do a lot of things for himself besides buy rockin' goodies. He needs to DO something, not BUY it... holy shit! I just had an epiphany!

Not vanity, material... he should stop buying happy and start living/doing happy! THAT makes sense!! The she-hippie was right! Shawteh just needs to loosen up and enjoy dancing... but we've both kind of talked and agree tha tAFTER champaign-urbana, we ALL need to take a dance-vacation. NOt a vacation FROM dance, but a vacation to ENJOY dancing, not sweat over it, else we'll get burned out.

So anyway, back on topic- he's overprocessing and analyzing everything because he's getting conflicting (same stuff, explained differently so that it seems dissimilar... think organized religion- all about the same thing, jsut different paths to the same thing) and WORRYING (there's the other part- I'm doing this boy's cards when I get a chance) that he'll let someone down if he does poorly. It's hard for him to chill, because he has me, our coach, and another very intense personality around him. Besides that, he's around estrogen all day long. Poor guy's got a tough, lonely road to hoe. I can't, because of turf issues, really "teach" him anymore, but I don't want to lose him as a friend, and I'd still hope he thinks I know what i'm talking about- I know that I come across as a rude, tacky loudmouth that nobody should take seriously (and you shouldn't)... but I'd like to help him or anybody else scared of dance or elements of dancing.

So now it's time to take a pill for some gender-specific maledictions and try to sleep. I feel better about myself and my friends today, because people loved him, we were accepted back into the herd, the 26th, we have something to look forward to, so here's hoping things are looking up!

*sigh* Taking my own advice-

And I might as well, considering it's jumped up and smacked me.

I've told our babies time and again "at this stage, please don't let our prejudice of a particular dance (west coast, two-step, merengue, etc.) color your perspective on it prematurely." In other words, "Don't knock it ' till ya tried it", right?

Well, I've harbored a dislike for line-dances for... well... ever since my first Slap Leather. Line dancing is a dance for unpartnered people to get up and move around, too. It's ugly, because it lacks finesse, and it's repetitive. Where on earth would you need a basic set of steps set to music that's repetitive for four walls?

And then it hit me. DUH!!!

We have one guy who's ALWAYS "Waaah, I can't practice by myself! It's too ha-aard! I dunno ho-ooow!"... Ok, DUH, WTF do you think a line-dance is? It's steps taken out of partner-dancing and put into something solo.

So it's now my goal to make a line-dance for as many ballroom dances as I can manage. I already have rumba figured out, foxtrot's partway swimming around in my head. I know a local guy who has a studio who claims to have invented Nightclub Twostep... funny, we were the ones who taught him the basics of it- does that make us Al Gore, too?

But anyway, I'm thinking the more I try to reach out to country people, the more they'll see that ballroom isn't all that snobby, daunting, and intimidating (AHA! We LIED to them! *evil snicker*), and also, a linedance is a perfect way to practice technique! You have NOTHING else to think or worry about once you commit the basic steps to memory. Finally, maybe, I can make linedancing actually look decent? I hope??